Look for the Best in Each Other (2) - Olajuwon Obalola

The remaining ‘Rs’  that will sustain both of you.

Romance

Romance is one of the greatest facilitators of a crisis free marriage; but this is where many Charismatics run into problems. When a home lacks romance, it starts suffering disintegration, as it is one of the vital reasons for setting up the home. Many marriage teachers may not agree with this, but this Bible, and I absolutely agree with the Bible which says

''Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2''

‘’To avoid fornication’’ is one of the reasons for marriage, and romance is God’s tool for preserving marriage. ‘’But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn’’ (Verse 9). Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.’’ The word ‘’have’’ there doesn’t mean just to marry; it also means let him enjoy his own wife.

‘’Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband’’ (Verse 3). ‘’Due benevolence’’ means give him or her the benefit of marriage. The benevolence you are to render is your body. You are to offer your bodies to one another. If a woman does not give her body to her husband, another person will give her body to him, and vice versa.

God made man, and He knows what He made man of. There is a sexual desire inside man, and marriage is the only institution designed to accommodate and satisfy that desire. That way, it can remain a productive burning, instead of a destructive one.

A sex-starved marriage is heading for destruction. Both spouses should be available for one another; not that the wife would say she is praying when her husband needs her, and the husband is speaking in tongues when his wife needs him. This is where I believe many Charismatics have courted trouble. 

When the couples are not available for one another, there’s tendency to go where they would be accepted, because the burning must be satisfied.

The Bible says you must not allow your abstinence go beyond a time (vs. 5). Nobody fasts for one year. The Bible says you can keep away from each other only for prayer and fasting, which is not actually a very long time. Jesus, the Messiah of the world, fasted for only forty days. That means you are permitted only forty days license to separate and come together again, lest Satan tempts you.

You must establish a natural romance that makes for a healthy home and relationship between a husband and wife. The moment you stop desiring your wife or husband, you are already falling apart from each other.

Rule

This address the administration of the home. It is establishing guidelines that will enhance the smooth operation of the home and putting up structures that will help actualize what you look forward to achieving in your home. That is, assigning responsibilities to the various parties that make up the home.

God has appointed an administrator in the home-the husband. Rulership is assigned to the man; but he now has to make use of all the available resources-human, material and otherwise, to effectively carry out his duties.

For your home to be administered properly, an administrative system must be put in place, assigning quantifiable responsibilities to everyone in the home, giving room for improvement. You need to put a structure in place. Don’t let life drag you on, give it direction. Determine how much you want to spend on food and who is to be in-charge. That person would then have to plan out how to utilize what is available. I believe that if you can think well, what you have is enough.

You need to establish an administrative structure to make your home a sweet place. You need to put in place a management process, something that keeps it going. Nothing enhances progress like planning. So, engage an effective planning based on facts. You can lift the burdens by sharing out the duties, and let each spouse do his or her job. If you don’t have such a structure in place yet, establish one.

Resist

Don’t allow any error to survive in your home. Resist it both spiritually and practically. Don’t allow anything that might contaminate your dream for your home to survive. Resist any thing that is detrimental to the well-being of the home.

Any questionable movement, doubtful relationship and unprofitable friendship should be resisted, like when a man comes to see your husband, and after he leaves there’s always tension in the house. 

Maybe certain unhealthy discussions have gone on. A situation where somebody comes to your home and there is no grace in what he says; rather, both of you are drained after he leaves shouldn’t be encouraged. Don’t pamper it, resist it.

Don’t watch the devil creep in to defile your destiny. Whatever won’t let your dream work, walk it out of your home. I don’t mean walking in mere suspicions, but proven facts. What you don’t resist will remain. So resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Realize

Continuity is the secret for the realization of your dream home. You have to be consistent in doing the secrets revealed. You have to be consistent in doing the secrets revealed. Don’t stop relating, respecting, reasoning, romancing, ruling, and resisting until you realize your dream.

Keep your fingers on the keys until you produce the expected sound. Refuse to think otherwise. A hitch-free home is attainable, so that 40 years after your marriage, your wife will still be your ‘’Sugar baby’’, and your husband will still remain your honey. Never give in, never give up, keep going.

One important point I must mention here is that both parties in the home must learn to forgive; it enhances peace, joy, and love in the home. Learn to forgive your spouse and children.

Your home will not fail.

 - Olajuwon Obalola